Selfish Thought

Sometimes when I start to feel down, I look at pictures of myself from just hours ago smiling and wonder why at that time I could feel so care free. I wonder why we feel, why do we have emotions, and why do they hit me at such random times. I want to feel happiness all the time but I know that will never be the case, I know that that can never be achieved, but its something that I strive for. One of my biggest flaws is me thinking that I can plan out everything in my future as if i was the one in control. It kills me that I can't accept that this is how life will be, and I cant have the answers that I desire. I seem selfish. Because for life to be what I make it then why cant I control what happens. There is no answer. Life is full of surprises right.